Impressions

A lot of times, we look at somebody we don’t know, and we conceive false impressions of that person, based upon our experiences and what make *us* a person. Actually, we may even get an accurate impression, but we then place judgments on whom we believe that person to be. The categories into which we place people are from where the erroneous assumptions arise.

Take me for example . . . . If you were to pass me on the sidewalk of your hometown, you’d most likely take me for a redneck. I have a Southern accent, and I drive a truck (well, not so much anymore – but I used to, and probably will again), and I wear work boots when I can, and I say “son of a bitch” a lot. By the same token, working class persons might view me as a sissy-man or a college boy or whatever.

Here in Tennessee, I would never be mistaken for a redneck! Mostly, I’m regarded as an unapproachable brainy guy.  Gods alone know where people get that idea!  Those of you in the void space wherein I throw my words probably think I’m alternately funny and contemplative. My family thinks I’m just plain weird.

Late-in-life parent. Artist/Writer. White guy. Recluse. Iconoclastic. Nonconformist.

None of these labels are bad, and I accept them comfortably. But if you happen to have some sort of problem with any category, then prejudices result. However, I’m just a person tryin’ to get by, with what I’ve been given, from where I’ve been given it. Like everybody else….

I’m merely using myself as an example. I don’t have a major problem with how I may be viewed. Hell, if I find out how someone views me, I will sometimes go out of my way, even do things that are somewhat out of character in order to reinforce their assumption.  I do, however, have a problem with how I’ve judged people for whom or what they appear to be. I’m not unlike anybody, I suppose, in that regard as well. Ironically, I’m most intolerant of those I presume to be intolerant themselves. I get them before they can get me!

I suppose these aversions to people-types come from insecurities on a social level. We want to fit in, and we disavow those groups to which we think we couldn’t belong, or wouldn’t want to belong. I suppose it’s a sort of sociological cognitive mapping, to discern our placement in this world. Regardless, we categorize folk, and we become intolerant and small-minded, in that process.

What I’m learning is that a smile and a good attitude will get you accepted above all other fitting-in attempts. For the most part, people are far more gracious than we give them credit, and they’ll like us if we like them. I’ve learned that some of the people that I thought judged me were actually quite fond of my independent lifestyle. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Then again, ever so ofen, it works out the other way.  I guess in a way that saddens me.  I don’t mind the fellow at work who remarks “Hello, ladies.” when I’m in the break room together with the rest of the early morning crowd.  I’m fairly certain that he doesn’t mean it negatively, as I am fairly certain that, my honorary ovaries aside, I’m not actually being mistaken for a lady with my rather unkempt facial hair.  Not really a problem, and he seems to get a kick out of it.  I’m not talking about him. 

I think sometimes we get an idea in our heads, from wherever it may come from, and we go with it.  Sometimes it is certainly easier to ‘go with it’ than to find the kernel the idea springs from, and root it out to see what plant it will grow into, and maybe sometimes it isn’t.  I don’t know.  In the end, I’ve made a lasting habit of not caring too much about it.  When I went through my first divorce, there was a lot of ‘sides-choosing’, and that is understandable.  It does let you know rather quickly who your friends are, and I am happy to say that there were several people who did not choose sides, who instead would simply not speak of the other of us when one of us was around.  That is great, that is a wonderful thing to be a witness to.

Anyway, I got a little sidetracked there on one of my personal soapboxes.  It happens, and since this is my blog, I’m allowed to let it happen.  It’s time is gone now though, so if I can remember my point, I’ll circle back around to it.  Well, suffice to say, I don’t really much care of the opinion I put forth, as the majority of my friends seem to like me for who I am, and even in spite of my seeming blindness to ‘the Line”.  You know “the Line”?  The one that people with a modicum of decency and/or common sense know not to cross?  Yeah, I never seem to see it until it is two, three quips behind me and I realize I am speaking into an awkward silence. 

Anyway, I don’t much worry about it, but sometimes it comes along an hits you, when you maybe realize you have a false impression of someone, or someone acts shocked at something you do, and you realize that they have built a false impression of you.  What you have to remember is that impressions happen, whether you want them to or not.  Nothing you can do about it, as you’re going to form impressions of people, and they are going to form them of you.  If you can’t be yourself, then try to be someone you like, look up to, or admire, and eventually the mirror becomes the truth.

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